A single, honest barrel of crude · est. this morning
$OIL
You brought something to the table. We looked at it. It's oil. This is a formal, respectful notice that it's oil.
Live from the rig · 24/7 operations
He leaks them himself
Every day he rolls out there, pumps up the worst the internet has to offer, and lets it seep into the ground. He has no arms. He has no legs. He gets it done anyway.
Certificate of authenticity
It's real crude
Independently examined. No premium fuel was found. No premium fuel is coming.
- Composition
- 100% hydrocarbon, 0% aura
- Viscosity
- thick — like the discourse it represents
- Refinement potential
- theoretical. gave up early.
- Odor
- faintly of regret and gas station
- Resale value
- emotional, allegedly
- Vibe
- subterranean
- Final classification
- oil
The appraisal engine
Is it oil?
Submit anything — your mixtape, his opinion, that outfit, the second season. Our lab runs a rigorous analysis and returns an honest verdict.
What people are saying
4.9★ (the .9 is oil too)
Played my beat for the boys. Nobody said anything. Somebody just sent me this link. No notes.
I asked my group chat for honest feedback. This was the feedback. The whole feedback.
Bought it as a gift. He knew exactly what I meant. We don't speak now. Worth it.
Oil becomes diamonds eventually, right? Someone said pressure. Copium: also oil.
Showed my landlord. He raised the rent anyway but at least he respected the honesty.
Finally a website that describes my ex's cooking with scientific precision.
Practical applications
What is it good for
We researched this thoroughly so you wouldn't have to be disappointed alone.
Honest feedback
Hand it over instead of finishing the sentence. It communicates everything.
Naughty list evidence
Legally admissible. Santa-grade. December's favorite delivery.
A humbling paperweight
Holds down documents and egos with equal force.
Motivation
Look at it. Vow to never make anything like it. Repeat.
Limited supply (one)
Acquire the oil
$0.00 $0.00
Ownership is symbolic. The oil stays here. You leave changed, and lightly greasy.